Duo's Adventures in Babysitting
by emeraldwolf
Summary: The boys have literally become that, with the exception of Duo. How does one babysit Gundam pilots? Duo's about to find out. complete
1. Default Chapter

"Do you think it will work?"  
  
"I don't know, that's the whole point."  
  
"Will you two shut up and just finish sending it already!"  
  
"Hey, did you mail the package?"  
  
"Yes, and I checked the postal system, the package has arrived this morning."  
  
"Alright, good, and the email is sent now too."  
  
"How long till we send the next one?"  
  
"At least a day."  
  
"Alright, hack into the camera system, we don't want to miss the results."  
  
Five old men in white lab coats chuckled among themselves and stared at a computer screen. On the screen, video from an odd angle taken from the upper corner of a room where a small camera had been hidden was playing. A few boys were wandering around doing different chores. One who was dressed all in black with a long braid came into the room.  
  
"Hey guys, I just finished cleaning the bathroom." Duo smiled happily as he wiped his hands off, showing the pride he felt at finishing his chore for the day.  
  
"Hmph." Heero returned to vacuuming the living room, thoroughly annoyed that Duo had finished before him, it was the first time that had ever happened. Quatre rubbed vigorously at a spot on the counter that just plain refused to come off and didn't notice the entrance of his comrade. Trowa and Wufei continued their respective chores, doing the dishes and dusting the furniture.  
  
"I hate this house.ahhh..ahhh..chooo!" Wufei muttered and sneezed, before glaring at the dust covered bookshelf that he was faced with.  
  
Duo just laughed and fell down on the couch with a content sigh. That is, until his foot was hit.  
  
"Oww! Heero, why'd ya go and do that for?" Duo rubbed his foot on the side that the vacuum had abruptly slammed into and stuck his tongue out at the Wing pilot.  
  
"You've got mail!" Duo looked over at the cheerful sounding laptop at its announcement and jumped up to see what they had gotten.  
  
Knock knock. Looking at the door, Duo stood in between the two.  
  
"Quatre, would you get the door?"  
  
"Sure Duo."  
  
Duo whistled a quiet tune as he opened the email and noticed one of the false addresses that the doctors went by when they needed to send them information.  
  
"Eh, what's up Doc?" The humor was lost on the other pilots as they came around Duo to see what important information the email had to offer. The door closed as Quatre came towards them, looking confused and with a small box in his hand.  
  
Mission: test strength enhancing pills. One per pilot. Effects will last for one day. Report back after the effect has worn off.  
  
Duo looked over at Quatre, who in turn looked at the small box.  
  
"How do they do that?" But before Quatre's question could be answered, Heero took the box from his hand and opened it up. Five small pills lay in a layer of cotton. Heero picked up one of the half blue, half yellow pills and swallowed it without a thought. After a moment, the other four pilots followed suite and gulped down their pills as well.  
  
The pilots looked at each other briefly before passing out.  
  
* * * * * "awwww." Duo moaned as he woke up. He was confused. What had just happened. It must have been some strange effect from the drug. 'I wish they'd warn us about side effects.' Duo looked to his left and saw Quatre's blonde hair sticking out from his curled up form. 'Still asleep.' Duo poked the pilot's back and saw his stir slowly awake. When he sat up and faced him though, Duo leapt back. 'What the.?'  
  
Quatre looked at him and sneered evilly. Then he looked down at himself and wondered at the large clothes he wore. They hung off of his twelve year old shoulders and his shoes felt like clown shoes to him. Then he looked up at the older boy sitting next to him.  
  
"Who are you?" Quatre glared at the stranger who was still gawking at him with wide violet eyes. He would surely have remembered if he had met anyone with violet eyes lately.  
  
"Quatre, it's me Duo. What's with you man, you shrunk!?!" Duo blinked for the first time since he had seen the pre-pubescent blonde and rubbed his eyes, wondering if he was still passed out. A soft sigh came from somewhere behind him, and Duo spun around, leaving the strange Quatre to twitch and narrow his eyes at being so blatantly ignored.  
  
Chocolate brown hair stuck up strange spikes and soft sapphire blue eyes looked up at Duo. A green tanktop hung off one the boy's shoulders, the rest pooling to one side of him, and the spandex he wore were far too loose for his body. The four year old Heero blinked inquisitively at Duo who's eyes took up nearly his whole face by this point. The mini-Heero stood up, leaving the oversized tanktop at his feet and walked over to Duo, who was still sitting down, and looked him in the eye. Duo didn't know what to say to the small person before he was punched in the chin. Heero giggled and walked a few feet away, then sat down as well.  
  
After rubbing his chin and pinching his cheek a few times, Duo looked at the final two bodies nearby. One was completely covered by a white pile of clothing. Duo moved it aside, and let out an eep at the one year old Wufei who was curled up in his outfit, sleeping quietly.  
  
A few feet away, a nine year old Trowa sat up and held his arms out to look at the green sweater hanging off of him. His pant legs extended far beyond where his feet ended, and his uni-bang barely reached past his eyes. Quasi- Trowa looked at Duo, then Quatre, and then Heero and Wufei. Then his focus returned to the braided one, who had fallen over out of surprise. Heero and Trowa laughed at the bigger boys silliness, Quatre sneered and made some comment about waking up in the company of idiots, and Wufei opened his large black eyes and gurgled happily.  
  
"I'm surrounded by toddler terrorists." Duo whimpered before he noticed that the pilots had started to walk, and crawl, away. 


	2. Arsen and Outfits

Duo scrambled to his feet and ran after Trowa, who seemed bent on exploring his new surroundings.  
  
"Hey Trowa come back!" 'How can such a tiny guy run so fast?' Duo chased down the hall after him but Trowa didn't respond.  
  
"Uhh.yeah...wait a minute...hey Nanashi!"  
  
The boy stopped and turned around. He blinked up at Duo and smiled, before walking back towards him.  
  
"Okay Tro-Nanashi, you just come and sit with me while I try and figure out what's goin on here." Duo took the small boys hand and led him back into the living room. With the exception of the baby Wufei who still looked sleepy, the room was deserted.  
  
"Uh oh..hey Quatre, where are you?" Duo shouted as he placed Trowa on the couch and hoped he would stay there.  
  
"I'm over here, moron." Quatre was sitting in the recliner, facing away from everyone and everything in the room. He had his arms crossed and looked like he was pretending to sleep.  
  
Duo walked towards him, his hands out ready to strangle the little.  
  
After a few calming breaths, Duo decided that Quatre was the only one that he might be able to get some help from. He walked over and looked at the pre-teen with a superior grin. Quatre just snorted at him and turned his nose up, looking off to his side.  
  
"Listen Quatre, I can't take care of these kids and you all by myself. So why don't we make life a little easier on each other, and you can help me out. I'll do all the hard stuff if you'll just keep on eye on that kid over there." Duo pointed to Trowa who was sitting on the couch and playing with something. 'What does he have?'  
  
"Why should I?"  
  
"Huh?" Duo half looked away from the pre-occupied Heavyarms pilot to answer, "Because it would be the nice thing to do?" Duo questioned and grinned hopefully.  
  
"What'll you give me?"  
  
"Uh." Duo tried to think of something that he could give the brat that he didn't already own. "How about this, you keep an eye on little Nanashi over there, and I'll give you a chocolate sprinkle donut." The blue eyes lit up at this, and Duo was pleased that this younger Quatre had the same weakness as the older version.  
  
"Okay, but how do you know me? Are you some kidnapping stalker or something?"  
  
"Listen, I'm not really sure what's happening either, okay? So just go on a leap of faith here while I go take care of the other two."  
  
"Fine, I'll watch him." Quatre swung his chair around and slammed Duo in the knee with the arm of the chair. Duo yelped and then glared at the demonic blonde who just smirked in return before slouching in the chair and staring at the boy across from him.  
  
Duo looked over as a movement caught his eye. Wufei was trying to crawl away, but his pants and shirt were tangled around him. Duo walked over and carefully untangled him. 'Hmm, clothing for a mini-Fei. Where am I going to get an outfit that small.Ah-hah.'  
  
Duo dashed out of the room and was back in an instant. He held one of Quatre's stuffed animals that he had hidden under his bed. He undressed the bear of it's blue pajamas and sat down to dress Wufei. His big black eyes looked up at him, smiling, an expression the older Wufei would slowly loose. After struggling for a while, all four limbs found their way into the soft pajamas, even if they were still a little big. Duo gently picked up the baby and began to pile Wufei's clothing together. 'Well, it ain't a crib, but oh well.' Smiling down at his abrupt handiwork, Duo placed the baby in the wicker basket that normally held magazines and wrapped the white outfit around him to make a blanket.  
  
Wufei began to suck his thumb and his eyes began to droop shut. 'Awww.' Duo smiled before he realized something.he'd forgotten about Heero!  
  
He jumped up and ran towards the kitchen, he could have sworn he'd seen the Heero walk in that direction. Sure enough, the kid was standing across the room, his back turned to Duo.  
  
"Come here little guy, let's go sit with all our other friends, and not hit your buddy Duo anymore.of course, not that that's something new for you.but anyway." Duo noticed that Heero was holding something in his hands and was very intently focused on it. "Whatcha got there little guy?" Duo edged his way closer, bent down and smiling, trying not to spook the kid.  
  
Heero turned around and laughed, as he held up the lighter he had found. Duo paled.  
  
"Hehe, pretty.." Duo lunged forward to try and snatch the lighter as Heero mused over it and accidentally lit it. 'Oh crap!' Heero held the lighter in his hand and turned towards Duo when he got too close, pulling the lighter behind him, as if to protect it from Duo.  
  
The small flame caught on the nearby tablecloth and soon the fire was spreading over the table.  
  
"AHHHH!! FIRE!!!" Thinking fast, Duo ran to the fridge and grabbed a pitcher of cold water in one hand and a pitcher of iced tea in the other. In a move worthy of the Deathscythe, Duo swung his arms of pitcher and effectively doused the raging inferno of the table, and soaking Heero to the bone. Without a second thought, Duo grabbed the lighter from the small arsen and placed it on the counter, far out of his reach. As Duo panted and the adrenaline began to leave his system, he heard a small suppressed noise behind him. He turned to see Heero, dripping and his hair stuck to his face, sniffling and suppressing sobs.  
  
"Oh no, I'm sorry, please don't-"  
  
"WAHHHH" Heero began to bellow and streams of tears were coming from his eyes.  
  
Duo rushed over and picked him up, realizing just how wet the poor boy had gotten and held him in a hug, rubbing his back and trying to pacify him. He continued to moan and cry as Duo ran him to his room, snatching a towel from a nearby closet on the way. Duo dried him off as quickly as he could and began to change him into a dry pair of spandex, seeming almost the right size for him, and a small muscle shirt of Heero's. The outfit was still too big, but it was warm and dry and Heero returned to quietly sniffling, his eyes and cheeks puffy and red.  
  
"I'm sorry, it's okay. Hey, I've got an idea. Come with me." Duo picked him up again and carried the melancholy boy into the living room. He deposited his small burden on the couch and went to the tv. After a few minutes of searching, Duo found a suitable station and stepped away. The coyote had just run off the cliff and fallen onto a cactus field. Heero's face immediately lit up with a smile and he giggled, transfixed by the violent battle of the two creatures.  
  
Duo sighed, and finally had time to think. 'Okay, this has got to be the work of the docs, no way it's a coincidence that this happens after we take those pills of theirs. Either something went very wrong, or those guys are dead where they stand.' Duo heard something behind him, now paranoid of every small noise and spun around.  
  
Trowa didn't even acknowledge him as he walked by, carrying a bundle of fake flowers that where at one time in a vase on the coffee table.  
  
"Where do you think you're goin with those little fellah." Duo plucked the flowers from the boy's grasp and turned around. After putting the flowers back in their rightful place, he turned to see Trowa walking in the other direction, holding Duo's car keys.  
  
"Hey, get back here!" Trowa stumbled along down the hallway, in the same direction he'd been trying to go all day as he tripped over his pant legs.  
  
"Okay, let's get you some decent fitting clothes for you.if we can."  
  
After some searching and a little clothing surgery, Trowa was in a pair of jean shorts that reached his ankles, tied on by a belt that looped around him twice, and a t-shirt that was more of a dress on the small pilot.  
  
After returning to the living room, Duo noticed that Heero was on the move. Keeping his eyes carefully glued to the boy, Duo watched as Heero headed towards where Quatre was sitting. The snot-nosed brat looked down at him with a disgusted look, the boy apparently too far beneath Quatre for any decency. Heero stopped in front of him, stared into the cold blue eyes, and kicked Quatre in the shins.  
  
"Oww! You little ba-" Quatre was cut off from killing Heero by Duo, who was a full foot taller than him and now stood between Quatre and the toddler. Heero giggled and began to waddle away again.  
  
"Listen Q, you can't hurt him, he's just a kid. All you have to do is keep an eye on Trowa and I'll take care of the other two and keep them away from you."  
  
"Fine.but if he comes near me, I'll drop kick him out a window." Quatre sent a death glare in the direction of Heero, and returned to his pout. Duo looked up and saw Trowa walking down the hallway, carrying somebody's coat. 'That's just plain odd.'  
  
A cry broke out and Duo jumped, looking around for the origin of it. Heero giggled and ran over to jump on the couch and fake an innocent look. Wufei, who's arm had just been punched, wailed and rolled in his basket-made-crib. 'Oh great.' Duo walked over to him and picked up the baby, whispering gently to him and rocking him back and forth. 'I hate children.' Duo thought as he sat down to rock Wufei back to sleep. 


	3. Blenders and Babies

Duo felt a strange warm feeling coming from somewhere and began to slowly return to consciousness. 'Why is my finger so warm?' Realizing that he had fallen asleep with the other pilots still as children, Duo sprang awake. He looked in his arms and saw that his rocking had indeed put both Wufei and himself to sleep. The baby was bound to wake up soon as well, but for now he lay there sucking on Duo's finger.  
  
"There's way too much wrong with this." But Duo couldn't bring himself to tear the digit away. Wufei clung gently to the hand and sucked on the Duo's finger. 'Ewww. Wu-slobber.'  
  
"Hahaha."  
  
Duo glared at the blond who was leaning on a wall nearby and laughing at him.  
  
"You should have seen that. The two of you drooling in your sleep together on the couch. It was classic." Quatre sneered and walked back towards his armchair.  
  
"Yeah whatever." Duo blushed. "Hey, wait a minute, where are the other two?"  
  
"The little creepy ones still on a mission, I've seen him carry a pot, a pillow, a black hat, some yellow high-tops, and an encyclopedia down the hallway." Quatre counted off the random objects on his fingers.  
  
"And you didn't stop him?" The baby was now wrapped up in blankets again and sucking on his own thumb, softly sleeping in his crib.  
  
"You told me to watch the kid. Not to babysit him." Quatre smirked at his own ingenious before sticking his tongue out at Duo.  
  
"Why you little." Before Duo's hands could wrap around his frail neck, he was distracted by a scratching noise in the hallway.  
  
Trowa walked along, with a cord hanging over his shoulder, which he held onto and was pulling along, like a dog with a dog sled. Duo watched in curiosity to see what would be at the end of the black cord. Scratching slowly behind the green eyed child, was a blender.  
  
Duo sweatdropped. When he didn't hear anymore scratching, he looked up and paled.  
  
Trowa gazed down at the mysterious object's interior with his emerald eyes. He carefully reached a hand into the center, wondering exactly how sharp those little blades were.  
  
"NOOO!!" Very dramatically, Duo dove to the harmless blender which wasn't plugged in and rammed into it. The blender rolled into the wall and hit with a resounding thud.  
  
Duo's eyes blazed as he felt a paternal need to destroy the sharp thing which threatened his children. With a final flying kick, the blender was reduced to a lot of sharp glass and bent blades.  
  
"That'll :::pant::: teach you :::pant::." Duo turned to see if Trowa was alright and not cut, but he held a wooden spoon tightly to his chest and marched toward his hidden destination.  
  
"Oh for the love of." Duo snatched the spoon and through it into the kitchen where it would be safe, he hoped.  
  
'Now I need to clean up all this glass.'  
  
"Hey Quatre, you wanna help me clean up this glass?"  
  
"AHHHH! GET BACK DEMON! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELLS YOU!!" Quatre screamed at the top of his lungs and climbed up onto the kitchen table he had run to.  
  
"Quatre what are you.Uh oh." Duo stood very still and put his hand out in a pacifying gesture.  
  
Dark blue eyes filled with friendly mischief as Heero looked up at the unreachable Quatre. In his hand was one of the largest pieces of broken glass. He held it as if it were a knife, and was holding the dullest sides. He cocked his head to the side and jumped up, trying to reach the legs of the Arabian on the table. He just couldn't understand why the big boy didn't want to play.  
  
"Hey Heero, how about we put down the big shiny pointy thing, okay?" Duo inched his way forward, still mostly unnoticed. Heero slowly turned towards him and smiled.  
  
"Eep." 'Wait a minute. In our real forms, Heero can whoop me. But I'm bigger than him, and much older, so what if he's got a weapon. I can take him down.' Duo smirked as he pumped himself up. Then his foot was stabbed.  
  
"OWWWW!!!" Duo screamed at the fact that a piece of glass had just been thrust though his shoe. The force behind it hadn't been enough to really severe anything, the glass had just barely broken the skin. But this was definitely not a good enough reason to keep Duo's anger withheld.  
  
One quick blow, and the small Heero fell unconscious. Duo pulled the glass shard from his shoe, where it was more embedded than his actual foot.  
  
"Hey, thanks for the help there." The apology was ground out as Quatre climbed down from his hiding place to stand next to an injured and frustrated Duo.  
  
A sniffle came from the other room and Duo sighed before looking up. 'What now?' Trowa shifted his heavy burden as he carried Wufei down the hallway.  
  
"That's it. I can't take it anymore." Quatre was a little scared by the evil look in Duo's violet eyes. He stalked down the hallway and took the weeping baby into his hands. Trowa looked up in confusion at this person who kept taking his things, before his eyes fell shut. The unconscious nine year old fell to the floor with a lump on his head similar to that of the little Heero. Quatre jumped as he was sent a venomous look from Duo. The sun was beginning to set on this horrific day and the normally cheerful pilot had been pushed to his limits.  
  
"Bring Heero over here, we're sleeping now." The growl sent Quatre running and skidded short in front of Heero. He picked up the boy's limp body and ran back to Duo's side. Duo carried Wufei in one arm and was dragging Trowa by his shirt in the other. When Duo had reached the middle of the living room carpet, he sat down.  
  
Lying on his side, Duo cradled the Wufei against his chest and purred to him, till he smiled again and let himself fall asleep in the teenager's hold. Duo then pulled Trowa's body behind Wufei's, letting his arms hang around the uni-banged child's shoulder. This way, he would be able to feel either of them move.  
  
"Umm. hey Duo?" Duo turned his head to look at Quatre, who had sat down very near to his back and was looking nervous.  
  
Duo rolled from his side onto his back, his left arm underneath Wufei and Trowa's bodies and motioned Quatre to hand him Heero. With his right arm, Duo pulled Heero against his body and prepare to fall asleep, the three smaller bodies breathing softly against him.  
  
"Duo?" Duo grunted and looked into the blue eyes of his oldest charge.  
  
"What his it Quatre?" Duo let his voice soften a little at the jittery expression of his friend.  
  
"Would you mind.I mean if it's okay.umm.is there a chance.ugg!" Quatre let out a grunt as Duo grabbed his shirt and pulled him to the ground. Then Duo curled his arm under Quatre's shoulders and pulled the boy against Heero. Quatre cautiously stretched his arms out and wrapped them around Duo and Heero. He sighed, enjoying the warmth of his strange companions.  
  
Duo let himself fall into a deep, contented sleep.  
  
"What the." Wufei looked down at the torn bits of clothing around him and realized he was laying in the middle of the living room, almost completely naked. Even worse, he was lying in between Duo and Trowa. His head swum and he couldn't remember anything since he took those pills. He stood up, careful not to disturb any of the others. He had to admit, when he had woken up he had been so comfortable and warm that he didn't want to move. Now he ran to his room to put on some decent clothing.  
  
"Uhhh." Trowa rubbed his head and wondered about exactly when he had been hit by a bus. 'Why am I wearing these shorts?' Glancing at the warm arm he was laying on.Trowa decided that what he was wearing came in second on his priorities list next to who was asleep with. He too stood up, but this made his head swim and soon he was stumbling towards his room to put on some clothing and try and figure out what went wrong.  
  
Quatre smiled in his sleep and clung tightly to his stuffed animal. Then he frowned, this stuffed animal wasn't as soft as it should be. And it was moving. This caused him to wake up right away and found himself staring at a very irate Heero.  
  
Heero meanwhile was wondering why there was a snake coiled under him. Then his mind cleared a bit more and he noticed that it was Duo's braid. His eyebrows flew up to his hairline at the realization that he was sleeping wedged between Quatre and Duo. 'What was in those pills?' Heero also got up and noticed the broken blender against the wall. 'Oh. Shiny.' He walked over and carefully began picking up the dangerous glass and throwing them away, after only a second of admiring them.  
  
Quatre looked down at Duo, the last of the boys who was still completely unconscious. He looked so peaceful, Quatre decided it might be better to just let him lay there and sleep. Whatever was in those pills had made them sleep for at least a whole day, perhaps they had hit Duo the worst. He grabbed a blanket from the couch nearby and threw it over Duo's form. Quatre stood and stretched, before rubbing his shin which was strangely sore. 'Ah well, we can all try and figure out what happened later. Sleep well Duo.'  
  
Heero finished with the blender and heard the tell tale, "You've Got Mail." Coming from his computer. 'Great, what now?' He stormed over and angrily opened the mail. A message from the doctors showed up with two simple words. "April Fools." Heero just stared in wonder and confusion at the message.  
  
Quatre, however, looked up at the sound of Trowa muttering something in the hallway.  
  
"Why is there a coat in the bathtub. And an umbrella. And Heero's shoes. And a gameboard?"  
  
The End.  
  
It's over, are you happy now. :::glares at Tiv, her small creature of a muse::: :::Tiv smiles and curls up in a happy ball to sleep now that he got that idea out through his writer::: I hate you muse. Anyway, I hope you people liked it. My first attempt at a humor fic. I know it sucked, but give me a review anyway. Or go read my beast of a fic at my homepage. Self-promotion for my site. Of course not. ^____^ anyway, send reviews, it makes Tiv happy. 


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